Some days are better than others. But most of the time I am pretty tired. I like to blame the heat, which it’s probably one of the many reasons for me being tired all the time. But I think this is just apart of me now.
Sleep doesn’t come easy for me. My head spinning with thoughts and ideas. Dwelling on the stupid thing I said last week to a complete stranger. Remembering on the calender I have tons of stuff to do this week. Escrow closes in less than 2 weeks, when should I start packing? Did I tell Nathan I love him today? Does Audree think I’m a good mommy? Did I eat anything besides mixed nuts all day? How many coke zeros did I drink today? Just a little glimpse into my nightly thoughts. I try to battle out the negative thoughts, but sometimes it’s hard . It’s hard to ALWAYS be positive. I try my best. I’m not perfect.
I can honestly say I’m no where near the perfect mom. There are days where I am watching the clock waiting for Nathan to walk in through the door, other times I’m Queen of the castle. But sometimes, mommy is tired……..
…..not just cause taking care of a little one and running a household is hard, but taking care of herself is harder. Mommy is battling moods that go up and down, and lately they’ve been mostly down.
You see, being a mom is my favorite thing in the world. My child and my family is more important to me than anything. But taking care of yourself and putting yourself at a high standard can be difficult at times when all you focuses on is the health and wellbeing of your family. I don’t ever doubt if I’m a bad mom. Im a fantastic mom. But I’m a terrible caretaker for myself. My mental health. My wellbeing.
I’m slowly changing that. Yoga is becoming a new venture for me. My goal is to make it a lifestyle. My meditation is very important to me. But there are those days where I can’t move, can’t focus, can’t fully give anyone my all. I just need to remember I have a blessed life. I have the things I have always ever wanted. I have a supportive and committed finance, and a child I have dreamt about and she’s growing too fast.
To my sweet little baby,
Mommy does her absolute best. I will always provide you with all the love you need. You will never go without like me and your father have growing up, you always come first . Above all. But please forgive mommy when she’s tired. Tomorrow will be a better day❤️