On any given day, if your with friends or family or even new friends you’re just getting to know, most the time you will hear a simple question, “how are you?”. How many of you answer with the truth? And how many of you just say “fine, and you?” Why is this? We know this is not true. It’s one of the biggest lies we tell every single day. The simple white lie.
What about when you’re having a really tough day at work? You wake up early, tired…. Didn’t sleep well. Not enough time to make breakfast, got to rush out the door to make it on time to work. It’s Monday and you have loads of work to do, your boss is in a terrible mood, the vibe in the office is negative. You can’t think straight in an environment like that, so you watch the clock and set yourself on auto pilot just to make it though the day….. God forbid you realize that it is just Monday…. Gasp! You finally clock out, make it through the front door of your home and plop on the couch . Quiet and detached, your wife can feel it and so she asks you what’s wrong, to talk about your day…. But you say it was fine, but she knows better. The family is walking on egg shells and you’re not interested in participating in anything. You’re holding on to that bad mood with all your stubborn might because talking about it infuriates you, but you hold it in, you eventually go to sleep, and repeat the cycle. Another lie that gets told daily. An avoidant lie.
Or how about this one.
You’re an addict. You know you have a disease that will most likely kill you, but you lie to your family and tell them you’re alright. You have everything under control. You’re doing the best you *think* you can, but behind the mask you are hurting, you can’t say out loud that you have a problem because you are so prideful and can’t admit defeat, don’t want to change, ashamed, or you have a mental illness and in that case you are completely oblivious to your problems (like my mother). A deadly lie.
What about the lies we tell ourselves? In order to be the best person we can be we have to start being honest to our inner voice. And then naturally it will flow outward. I will share something personal because I’m all about vulnerability right now. I have a problem with the way I speak to myself in my head. And the things I tell myself in a time of stress and doubt. I am my worst critic. Some days I feel like I’m a horrible parent, I tell myself that I’m ugly, fat and undeserving. I know these are lies. I know I’m worth something. I’m a great mom. God created me just the way I am. And it’s a hard thing to change when you have been telling yourself lies for so long.
When we lie, we hurt ourselves so deep, and we hurt everyone around us. We create confusion, we stack bricks that form a wall between us and what’s right. I write this coming from a place of understanding, because I lie too, hoping it will produce a spark and make you think. “What kind of lies do I tell to myself and others ?” Why is honesty so terrifying? How can I change this and create a happier honest life?
Personally, I think lies can be avoided by being comfortable with authentic communication. Transparency. It’s about building a bridge of trust and being vulnerable. One day at a time.
Be brave my friends.