Sucking at life lately

Yep. Its the truth. I don’t know why things get to me the way they do, but I have been really sucking lately. Maybe stress from being a stay at home mom who is on the verge of a breakdown (or dying of boredom), being sleep deprived and overly caffeinated, or what.  Its so easy to write about the good things happening in life, the moments and events that bring you joy. Its the deep shit that takes a while to make its way to the surface. But once it does, and if you purge it correctly, it can turn into a truly beautiful thing. I realize if I just stay honest with myself once in a while, I will get my shit together. So, in order to do that I need to list my fuck ups (pardon my language, I’m in a mood tonight).

  1. I am a complete push over. I let the present moment kick my ass. For example: my embarrassing, pathetic attempt at night weaning my 22 month old. She cries and I give in, she cries to her dad and he tells me to give her the boob. We clearly suck at this, and our child is going to be nursing forever it seems like, unless a miracle happens and she self weans. I think if we just made it through a tough few nights we could see the light at the end of the tunnel and we can accomplish this. But giving in is the easier route at the moment.
  2. Lately, I haven’t been practicing yoga as much as I would like, and you know why? I’m lazy. I cant find the motivation to get on the mat.
  3. I started drinking coke zero again. 😦
  4. My family has missed 4 consecutive Sundays at Church.
  5. Most days I haven’t been leaving the house, and I have been putting crayons and coloring books (or even my phone..gasp!!) in front of my daughter, because some times I just only want to binge watch Netflix for a few hours or half the day.
  6. I haven’t meditated in over a month.

So I’m sure I can think of other things I have been sucking at lately, but these are the main ones. I do however have made a plan to change.

I have decided to take a slower approach on the night weaning. I’m following Audree’s lead. If she is not ready, then she is not ready. I wont force anything on her especially since the night weaning so far has really made her miserable.

I’m going to try to get on my mat once a day or every other day. If I have a few minutes for some sun salutations or stretching, or longer practices its alright. As long as I make an effort to get on it every day.

I’m going to cut back on the coke zero again. Not making any promises that I can fully quit it, but as long as I’m drinking more water /or my green juices more than soda I think one or two here and there wont hurt me.

I’m going to go outside and play more with my daughter.

And last but not least, going to try to meditate for a few minutes before bed and when I wake up. Its always most peaceful at those times, and I can manage a 5 minute meditation I always feel so good after. My sleep is more peaceful and I wake up feeling a lot more calm.

I guess these can be my goals for November.

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!

xoxo, Paige


One thought on “Sucking at life lately

  1. Hi, Sweetie, it’s not so much you suck or fail as you have back slid. We ALL do that at some point when we are changing something in our lives. I have found that I need help by having someone help me be accountable. I’ve never tried to change as many things as you are….maybe only one or two at a time could it be you are too overwhelmed?? Just watching you on Facebook it looks to me you are accomplishing alot. You are doing just right. Keep the light at the end of the tunnel, yes, church is important but as long as you keep prayer, GOD in your heart, and trust him the way he is leading you, you will be just fine. one you sweetie.

    Liked by 1 person

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