There’s this crazy thing I do when I get into a new “thing”. Last year I started running and then got it into my head that I needed to be the “perfect” runner. I wasn’t even recovered from my first run (which was terrible because I could barely move), and I was already following all the running elites on instagram, starting the couch to 5k program, and setting overly optimistic unrealistic goals for myself right off the bat. I mean I have asthma. Running is very hard on people who have asthma . Its a large uphill battle to climb, but I didn’t let that stop me. I put such a high standard on myself that I compared myself to the seasoned runners that were doing marathons, running 18 miles on a long run. I bought the newest Nike running shoes, Nike running clothes, (hugely over priced by the way), and totally lost sight of myself. I ended up burning out as quickly as my obsession started. I started making excuses not to run and every time I scrolled my instagram it only made me feel worse. I felt defeated and very much a loser. I sucked at running !! I constantly tried pushing myself to run a 10 min mile. I was doing an average of 15 min miles.
A few months later I found yoga. Fell in love quickly and passionately and once again, like the running, set my expectations way too high. I am still very humble when it comes to my practice, I know it’s spiritual and your body adapts to yoga. But i wanted to be able to do all the fun stuff now! dang it! *stomps feet*. I love the progress in the practice but parts of me still enduldge way too much on those instagram profiles. I realize that most these women have been practicing for years, and fully devoted their life to the yoga lifestyle. Something I am jealous of that and wish i had the yoga lifestyle myself.
Last night for the first time since summer started i ran on the treadmill. I blasted my girl Lauren Diagle (Christian singer) on my headphones and just ran. And ran. And ran. Until I hit a mile and didn’t even realize how easy it was not to constantly be checking my milage and time. I just ran my heart out listening to my favorite music and completely left my body and got out of my head, and just enjoyed the run.
And then I had a huge ephinany.
I need to stop this self defeating BULLSHIT! The days of constantly comparing myself to others that are further in their journey than i am are OVER! My only desire now is to love the progress I am making on my own time. I need to start loving my self enough to let go, not be so hard on myself and be humble enough to put the work in.
When that hit me during my run a tear fell from my eyes and the sense of relief and the boulder I placed on my shoulders to be the best was lifted. I felt free.
Today, I unrolled my mat, put my hands to heart center, took a deep inhale and felt the feeling of calmness and gratitude for the lesson learned last night, flowed through my own sequence for the first time without judgement, expectation and just love and compassion for myself, my body and my practice.
If you’re reading this blog and are anything like me, just let go. Have fun in your practice. Perfection is unattainable. The journey of your yoga practice is YOUR journey. Don’t compare it to other’s journeys. Especially if you’re a beginner like myself. I am beginning to love and accept the fact that I’m just a beginner, I have so much to learn about myself and what my body can do. My spirituality will continue to grow and so will my yoga practice.. in time. I accept that now. Namaste 🙏🏼❤️