Growing up my mother wasn’t really around. She has mental illness and addiction problems and so she was never really able to be there for my sister and I, she was not fit to be a mom in my opinion. After her and my father separated she would drag us around to different men’s homes and I’m sure you can make a fair assumption as for the reason for these visits. This was my childhood. I don’t have one fond memory of my mother in 31 years of living. Other things (men, parties and drugs) were just more important to her than us, and we were raised by my grandparents.
That’s just a small back story of my childhood. I’m telling you all this because I had this moment tonight. My best friend invited me to a girls night at the bowling alley and it ended up not working out and we decided to go to the mall instead to walk around. Well, before we got to the mall by fiancé sent me a text saying Audree my 2 year old was at the door crying “mommy”. It broke my heart. I immediately wanted to cry because all I wanted to do in that moment was go home to her and hear her yell “mommy” and run to me with open arms so I can snatch her up and hold her tight. The bond that me and my little girl have is unmatchable. We do spend all day and night together since I’m a stay at home mom and we bed share, but those two hours I was gone really hurt.
What is shitty is there is some times I’m so overwhelmed with stress and I need some time alone, and I get really short tempered. But then when I get that time away for myself all I do is miss my little one. Like she’s my other half. It physically hurts to be away from her pretty little face.
And while I was staring at that text message it brought back memories of me crying for my mother when I was a kid wondering when I was going to see her, not knowing where she was, if she was going to leave us with our grandparents forever. I think that’s why I’m so over the top emotionally attached to Audree. I don’t ever want her to know the pain of having an absent mom. I know I’m a great mom and to compare me and my mom would be disgraceful since we’re nothing alike……
My daughter thought me how to be a mom. My mom didn’t.