Hey friends! Hope all is well with you!
I was just watching some inspirational videos on YouTube and felt the urge to talk to you guys for a little bit.
I’ve been feeling the winter blues really bad recently. My weird depression/ moody/ lethargic symptoms started creeping back into my life, like they usually do ever so often- but this time I was just feeling extra lazy and overwhelmed . I’ve been eating vegan for over 2 months now. So I feel good diet wise, But been feeling like total crap in other aspects. I spend most the days inside and taking care of my toddler, cleaning and not sleeping enough.
3 weeks ago I started working out at a gym. The gym has a daycare which suprisngly enough Audree adapted. So I drop her off and workout for how ever long I want. Usually an hour.
Well obviously it takes time for good change to happen, especially after being in such a negative state of mind for so long. But I think I’m finally feeling a sense of NORMAL-well I don’t really know what normal is actually, but the closest I can describe it is as -level.
If you follow my blog you know I’m a stay at home mom. I don’t leave my daughter very often and have been struggling with depression/ anxiety. And I’m not saying that all these symptoms are completely gone. But I’m very happy to report that the gym is becoming therapy and medicine for me. It’s slowly creating positive changes in me that I’m beginning to notice. For instance, i signed up for a 5k color vibe run. I picked up reading again. I’m actually reading two books at the same time. (50 Shades of Grey Darker, and Grey 😉) in spirit of the new movie coming out next week, yes… I am quite obsessed with the movie and already have pre sale tickets to the premiere. (I can’t contain my excitement!!!) Anyways, back to the topic at hand.
A while back I stopped doing yoga as much because my winter depression hit and I didn’t have energy to do anything. I didn’t feel strong enough. But I’m beating it!!! And it’s a tough fight ! I will not lie to you and say it’s easy. It’s a fight everyday.
Mental health is so important I can’t stress this enough. It’s a struggle in my house living with someone with PTSD/ mood disorder, and having issues myself, and trying to keep a happy healthy life at home for our daughter. It took Nathan’s last panic attack for me to discuss with him very earnestly that what we’re doing isn’t working. I was unhappy, I was depressed and not moving my body at all. He was feeling the same. I mean, the grouchiness would just radiate off of him (and me too I hate to admit). So his spirits and energy has lifted tremendously since he’s started going to the gym and running again. Thank goodness. Although…. he’s still a grouch at times. That will never change. HA!
For two years my main focus in life was and still is my daughter and I pretty much let myself go. I didn’t want to be intimate, I didn’t want to wear anything but pajamas (yoga pants lol) because I was insecure about my body and not only that, my presence in general.
It feels LIBERATING to finally take my life back. Although it is tough to drop Audree off in the gym day care and see her staring at me like “mommy where you going- come back”, but I feel like this is what I need.
I’m slowly learning that I can’t neglect myself any longer. And damn it does that feel great. I lift heavy in the gym, do some cardio…. exhaust all the bad energy and stress out of my body, and when I go home I’m fresh and happy and able to deal with stress easier. It helps me to be a better mom, and that’s super important to me. I hated the way I felt when I lost all sense of self and focused 150% of my energy on my daughter but completely neglected to take care of my self. I now know I can be a fantastic parent and also take time for myself and not feel bad for it.
I just celebrated my two month vegan anniversary, yay me! And now I’m back in the gym and working hard, I have one more thing to work on. Three dreaded words.
My body image.
I can’t wait to get to a place where I’m comfortable in my own skin. But I believe I’m on the right path.
I don’t want anyone feeling the lows I was feeling. If I can give advice to anyone who is feeling how I described, even if you don’t have a kid and you’ve found yourself disregarding that darkness inside you, be active! (Or if it’s really serious please see a doctor!) I promise you. Our bodies are meant to be moving. Don’t be discouraged, we all have to start from somewhere!
Thank you for being by my side on this journey of mine, follow me on Snapchat! Audreesmom14
More to come on this topic!